Off the Bow, Away from the Boat, Into the Waters

As I sit here tonight I can't believe my life. I think back to two years ago I was sitting around a table in Thailand among some of the greatest men I've ever known. I think back to those days on the World Race often. I'm always counting the months, and remembering where I was, what we were doing. 

I'm fond of memories of the World Race. A 11 month journey, a 11 month mission trip that did more ministry to my heart than I think I could ever "do" for anybody we visited. I saw the world! I dove into many different cultures, I invested in those around me, and never forgot those that were at home. All the while my heart was being wrecked, and radically ruined. Never to be the same, and I had no idea. 

It's funny because I remember leaving. Stepping on the plane with tears filling my eyes not sure of what I had gotten myself into, second guessing my choice to just follow the Lord out on this one. 
11 months later I was stepping off of a plane with tears in my eyes because I couldn't believe that I had to say goodbye to all of those I just did life with for 11 months. My heart still hurts thinking of how much I miss all of them. I see some from time to time. Many of us stay connected, life is busy we all understand that, but I love slowing down. 

Tonight I slowed down. I slowed down to just sit and reflect upon how gracious He has been to me. Africans do this often. They will tell you we Americans are always oh so busy. I think we can learn from them here. We. . . I, need to slow down. I've appreciated slowing down tonight. Whenever I stop, and just sit, reflect upon my life I see His fingerprints all over.

 Every time I step out of the boat, He's there, often ushering me out farther into deeper waters, and deeper levels of trust. Every time I lean into Him I always feel that feeling right before your about to fall, and yet He's always there to catch me. . .

I came home from the World Race and knew only one thing. My life as I knew it was over. 

My transition back home I didn't speak of much. If anything I can see now I hid. I hid many stories afraid many would not treasure them as I did. I remember always blogging, instagramming, facebooking and all that jazz. I was just tired of everyone knowing every detail of my life, and yet I was the one who was giving all the details. I was hurt people just didn't get it. We were told about people who only had time for 5 min stories of "how was your trip"? or "what was your favorite country"? I never expected it to be hard to deal with that, but then again wasn't I just the same 11 months before? Many didn't understand, but then again some did. 
I never became a hermit, but I did become more introverted and more accustomed to having a bit more privacy with my life heart and story. 

My transition took some time getting used to, and I had some set backs. School didn't work out for long,. I bounced around from house to house for a bit, and I was very low on cash flow for many months. I kept a bag packed just in case for 3 months, but the Lord is faithful, and He provided such favor and blessing to land me where I am today. I have a job I adore. I am passionate about what I do, and spend many hours working a job that I don't feel like is work. I work with an amazing team of people who I truly enjoy doing life with. This job is my platform of ministry where I am able to speak into peoples lives and help truly change them, and be changed by them. 

I also have phenomenal community. I love my little hometown, and the people in it. They are all so lively, and we have such depth, such passion, such a hunger for the Lord and His Kingdom. It's somewhere I'm proud to be, It's somewhere I'm proud to call home. In a way it will always be home, but yet I know I will continue to leave it so I can continue to love it. 

Now that statement may take a minute to understand. Let me help sink it in. 

As soon as I stepped off the plane after month 11 in Chicago I knew I'd be going back out on the field. I didn't know how, or when, but I knew I'd be going. I knew He would call me out of the boat once again. 

. . . Deeper waters

. . . Deeper levels of trust

After two years of patiently waiting I can now say I am returning to the field! 
In one month I am heading to Swaziland! I will be in Swaziland serving through Adventures In Missions. And guess what? It's fully paid for! - Whole another story in itself to tell you how amazing He is to provide my whole way. He truly is my provision, and my Shepard.

One great desire of mine is to leave again so I can disorient myself. I enjoy getting back to the heart of people. Getting out of the hamster wheel of running the "American dream", and American living. I'm not all about this "pursuit of happiness" when I know my heart is truly happiest when it's being poured out, given away, and torn to bits and pieces by those I fall in love with. This has been happening all the while here stateside for a whole year now, and now He has called me out of the boat once again. Away from my comfort zone once more to learn love as I did before, and yet all over again. To all things new. . . 

It's time I break the silence. It's time I invite you back into the story I'm all wrapped up in. I was away in the Wilderness with the Lord, tucked away in His heart, searching for Him through the thick and the thin of life these past two years. . . 

I invite you to follow my journey as I embark on an incredible journey back to Africa. To Swaziland. 
We'll talk soon.